Disappointment

Well, kinda disappointed with myself recently. Mainly for three reasons.

Failed to be committed to blogging.

Didn't do too well for my exams only 65.8%

And because I fail to communicate with some friends.

I tell myself, be committed to blogging but I haven't been really, got so lazy. Broke a promise. Been an ass. But least I'm back haha, thank Aisyah on that note. She and Daphne are probably the closest female friends I have. Being together for so long, its normal.

As for my exams, well, didn't attend school much this term. Didn't study for tests and missed a few. Haven't the faintest idea how much my percentage dropped because I never did see my mid year results.

And, well, today I went out with my classmates and a new friend, Milken ( Lol cute name much.) who was a pretty nice humorous guy. Anyhow, we met up and talked quite abit while eating lunch in the KFC located at Siglap. Victor came along and all was well. JT was left alone waiting at least an hour for us at Lido. Wonder what he was doing. Oddly, once I reached Lido. I just shut up. Haven't the faintest idea. Practically all I could do was. Smile. Drink. Hide. Now what the hell was that about? No idea why I couldn't talk. Maybe because I'm one heck of a boring fag. Certainly need more things to talk about in my life. Pathetic I agree but what can one do when stuck in a situation.

So, we watched Silent Dead. My god. Horrible show. Shocking, tongue ripping. Waste of the $ 9.50 I paid. Bloody cruddy ending. Oh and I mean bloody.

Sometimes I wonder... whats it like to have a best friend... someone to talk to. Someone you can trust. Someone who tries to understand ya. Someone to lean on. Or, maybe I'm just being a picky bastard about my friends. But I don't know. Hell, I'll never know what they think of me besides short and midget like. ( that thought prolly changed for Daphne. Fwah I'm as tall as her now! Oh BAM. Looks like I can't be her lil bro anymore haha =P) So anyways, theres a whole lot of failure in communication on my side or at least I think so.

Wasn't exactly the best outing for me but its better then being glued to the damn computer I guess. So back to where I was. It just sucks not having anyone to do stuff with. Heck, I'm probably so boring no one wants to hang with me. Besides that, recent dreams have been clouding my thoughts. Dreams I cling on to so desperately. Hoping they will happen. Cept, I doubt I have the abilities to do so. A failure perhaps. But I can't let that happen will I.

So, about an hour ago, I asked two of my friends if they had best friends, one said he treated all equally and the other probably didn't hear me as he gave no reply. I ponder on that answer treating all equally. But isn't everything in this world based on attraction / biasness. But again, he might be right. I feel close to some friends but wonder if they do too. So what is this horrible pondering that tortures some. Or is it like my mom told me. Not to trust anyone. Different opinions. Different thoughts.

Things cloud me. Surround me. Disabling proper thought. Taking my sanity. And then I wonder. Who will lend that hand? Bring me out from these choking clouds. Probably that best friend I'd never see coming. Friends confide in me. But I've never confided in them. Does that make me a bad friend? Or does that mean I just don't trust them or am I a loner. Or maybe just maybe I've yet to meet that friend. In the mean time, I'll keep to myself. Till some other day.

Anywayssssss, my legs hurt like crap now. We had to sprint for the last bus. Bought coke home and a spiderman comic too. hehe.